How to control anger?
Anger - the world’s most stigmatized emotion.
Many of us stigmatize anger and even stigmatize angry people. As an angry person, you may have heard the likes of “you need to control your emotions!” , “you are uncool!” or “nobody likes you because you are an angry person”. You would hear such judgements from people around you or even within yourself. Before reading further, I’ll like to say that one need not feel guilty or embarrassed for feeling angry.
How do you control anger? Angry people can be of two types - the Eruptors, who blast their anger outward, and the Stuffers, who suppress it within saying “I’m ok” when they are not.
Here is a possibility I’ll like to bring to you, that is beautifully explained by Byron Brown, who authored the book Soul with Shame. What if I tell you that you have lost touch with your potent truthfulness (your true self or your soul)? And that you only taste its fullness when you allow yourself to directly embody your anger?
Unrestrained anger is the closest you get to the unapologetic directness of your essential strength (your soul). Only in anger are you willing to challenge the beliefs and structures that limit your life. When your frustration has built to an intolerable level, some part of you says, “No more!” – and you let loose, you seethe, you explode. At this moment, you become aligned with your own truth and access the strength of your soul to voice it.
But anger speaks out from frustration and focuses on the “frustrating obstacle”, which can be another person or a situation. In anger, you are seldom aware of yourself; you are intent on influencing the situation. Your mind is obsessed with the story of how you were wronged, so the strength of your soul that is activated seems less important than the need to be heard and felt.
Anger is your ally.
Anger can be the doorway to the strength of your soul. You can begin to taste your own vital, expanded capacity with its clarity and certainty – with no apologies. You will experience the heat and vibrancy, a potency that cannot be denied. Thus, anger can be an opening into your essential strength, your true self, your soul – if it is contained and embodies without being unconsciously discharged on others or yourself.
On one hand, anger calls upon your vital aliveness and gives you access to its power. On the other, anger defines itself through resentment and frustration and refuses to let go of the person, situation or object it is directed towards. So even when you feel strong and powerful after a burst of anger, the tendency is to dwell on your own righteousness and not simply experience the juicy, bright fullness of your strength.
Now, imagine the possibility of accessing the strength of your soul, your true self, through means of your anger without damaging yourself or the people around you. Coaching can enable you to access the strength of your soul and find ways to minimize the damage of anger.
Anger Is Your Ally: A Mindful Approach to Anger | Juna Mustad